you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
