I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
