So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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