Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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