i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
