Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
