I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
