i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
