we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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