I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
