I wish I could teleport
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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