i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I touched a dick in church today
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
