my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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