I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
