he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize