Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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