you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
