I hate your face
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
