I swear she didn't look like that last week.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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