About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
