she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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