Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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