i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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