he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
