Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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