that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
