is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
