Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
