Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
