If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
