I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
how do you play pong handcuffed?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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