I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
