also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
