i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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