dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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