Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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