Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
