do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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