my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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