Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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