her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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