The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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