She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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