I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
