I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this boner is exhausting
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it's great music for shaving your balls
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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