Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she smelled like a LAN party
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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