I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize