Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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