I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
