I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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