Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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