you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
