Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
