Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
