You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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