thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
