They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
