whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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