Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This baby is an asshole
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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