I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize