Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
