I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
