My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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