I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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