Can Purell be used as lube?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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