I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
