i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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