just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
