He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
