Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
