She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
