I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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