I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
