would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
