So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
