dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
