He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
