I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
