i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
