I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
