He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
