I cockslap morals
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
