I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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