every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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