Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
