you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
