My nipple is on Facebook.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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