I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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