Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
