I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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