we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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