Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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