His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
